Today, I want to delve into a topic we touched on last week. We talked about the big difference between just getting by and actually living life to the fullest. It’s clear that while it’s important to survive, that shouldn’t be the only goal we aim for.
So, in this post, let’s dig into something closely related—resilience. We’ll look at the hidden costs and sacrifices that often come with building resilience and shine a light on the challenges that people usually overlook along the way.
Admiring Resilience
Resilience is an amazing quality in people. The way someone can keep pushing through tough times like loss, uncertainty, illness, disappointment, or grief is really impressive and deserves recognition.
But when we compliment someone with phrases like “You’re so strong” or “I don’t know how you do it,” it’s important to think about the tough road they had to travel to get to that point. Those comments are usually meant to be nice, but they can sometimes ignore all the struggles that helped build that resilience.
The Hidden Costs of Resilience
Resilience doesn’t usually come from an easy life. It often pops up because we have to deal with tough situations that we didn’t see coming. Life throws us a curveball, something gets taken away from us, or we face challenges we weren’t prepared for.
While we like to admire how resilient someone is, we often forget the tough stuff that came before that. It’s like praising someone for being an amazing swimmer without realizing they learned by being tossed into deep water.
Recognizing their resilience feels a bit off without acknowledging what they went through first, and the same goes for emotional resilience.
The Weight of Expectation
There’s another layer to think about when it comes to admiration. Once someone shows they’re tough and resilient, people often expect them to keep that up forever.
If someone has always managed to handle things, they’ll probably be leaned on more in the future. It’s like resilience turns into a never-ending job. But do we stop to think if these strong people feel like they can admit when they’re struggling or need a helping hand?
Just because someone is resilient doesn’t mean they don’t experience exhaustion, grief, or fear; it just means they keep pushing through even when those feelings are there.
Functioning vs. Flourishing
We’ve mixed up resilience with not having to struggle. When we see someone doing well, we might think they’ve gotten over their issues. But just because someone is managing doesn’t mean they’re thriving.
Being capable doesn’t mean they don’t have any worries. It’s totally possible to be strong and still feel a lot of pressure. Sometimes, resilience becomes part of how someone sees themselves—not because they wanted that label, but because it’s just how things turned out.
They end up being seen as the reliable one or the go-to person. Once that idea sticks, it can be tough to shake off. If they start to think of resilience as who they are, what happens when they stumble?
Celebrating Triumph—Acknowledging Pain
We often celebrate resilience after going through tough times, sharing inspiring stories of overcoming huge challenges. While these stories are important, we sometimes get so caught up in the happy endings that we forget to question whether the suffering was really okay.
Not every hard time is there to teach us something or give us experience, and not every struggle needs to be seen as a blessing in disguise. It’s totally valid to acknowledge the pain without always looking for a silver lining.
Resilience as Response, Not Role
In the end, it’s super important to realize that resilience isn’t just about being a certain type of person or something we’re expected to have all the time.
Instead of saying, “You’re so strong,” how about we say, “I’m really glad you didn’t have to go through that by yourself”? It’d be great to live in a world that appreciates resilience without making it a defining part of who someone is.
As we keep talking about this, think about the people you consider resilient. Have you ever thought about what they had to go through to get there? And have you asked yourself the same thing?
Next week, we’re diving deeper into this topic with an episode called When Competence Becomes a Cage. We’ll look at how our skills can help us succeed but might also hold us back.
Stay tuned for new episodes on The Grey Area Unfiltered, Tuesdays at noon ET.
